Writing sometimes is a big and scary thing.

Expressing oneself,

putting yourself out there

for criticism

where everyone can see you and you are all exposed.

Your heart and soul are laid bare

as you give your all hoping for approval.

For that slim chance that they understand

your feelings, your thoughts

and are touched.

As we ourselves have been touched

at one point in our lives.


Poetry & writing are one way to express yourself and help people through things, but they are not the only way.  Please realize that you are not alone.  If you are feeling depressed, or having thoughts of suicide please contact someone.  You can always call for help

US Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255

or if you aren’t comfortable with that you can go online and get help here.  You are not alone.  You are not the only one, you matter, you are not a bother, and you are worth it.  Make the call, click the link, reach out to someone don’t fight the battle alone, don’t give into the night.

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Healthyplace.com

Depression is an illness, but it is treatable and there are plenty of sites available to get good information about it.  One such website is Healthyplace.com.   The site covers many types of depressions (including but not limited to A-typical, Dysthymia, PMDD, Postpartum, and Seasonal Affective Disorder) and even offers quizzes to see how you are doing.  The site includes information on how millions of people suffer from depression to remind everyone that suffers that they are not alone.

“Depression Information

Millions of Americans suffer from depression. The Centers for Disease Control report 1 in 10 adults, 18 and over, are depressed at any given time and people age 45-64, women, minorities, those unemployed, and people who were previously married are most likely to meet the criteria of major depression. Keep in mind, the symptoms of depression can be experienced at any stage of life, by anyone.

Depression is very serious and if left untreated can lead to deteriorating health and even suicide. There is hope, however. Depression is treatable.

We want to help you learn as much as you can about depression and to offer you depression support in your recovery. We have trusted, in-depth information on the different types of depression, depression warning signs and the different kinds of depression treatments. And, if you or a loved one need it, we have suicide hotline numbers and comprehensive suicide information.

If you are living with depression, please, read this depression information and see your doctor.”

~Healthyplace.com

The information the site continues to go into is varied and extensive.  They talk about Depression as it effects Women, Men, Children and Teens, talk about various treatments for depression, even how depression ties into anxiety.  I found this site to be highly informative. Something that could be a great help to many.   I would recommend it to people who are looking for answers to sometimes difficult, and often times puzzling, questions.


Poetry & writing are one way to express yourself and help people through things, but they are not the only way.  Please realize that you are not alone.  If you are feeling depressed, or having thoughts of suicide please contact someone.  You can always call for help

US Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255

or if you aren’t comfortable with that you can go online and get help here.  You are not alone.  You are not the only one, you matter, you are not a bother, and you are worth it.  Make the call, click the link, reach out to someone don’t fight the battle alone, don’t give into the night.

Even when you feel like a burden… don’t give in. You aren’t a burden. You are a blessing to someone.

Moo blessing not burden

Poetry & writing are one way to express yourself and help people through things, but they are not the only way.  Please realize that you are not alone.  If you are feeling depressed, or having thoughts of suicide please contact someone.  You can always call for help

US Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255

or if you aren’t comfortable with that you can go online and get help here.  You are not alone.  You are not the only one, you matter, you are not a bother, and you are worth it.  Make the call, click the link, reach out to someone don’t fight the battle alone, don’t give into the night.

Short story: Trapped in my mind

I have to find a way to get out of my mind. I’ve been getting lost in it far too much and I truly think that it is killing me. Most normal people wouldn’t care, but then again most normal people aren’t catatonic when they are lost in their minds.

I head in and look back, I can see out of the eyes for a moment and sigh. Too much reality to deal with. I just want to get lost for a while. I walk towards the back and head to the door, but where will it take me today? I open it and suddenly am overwhelmed by the scent of wild flowers. Do I go on? Do I risk it?

I do.

With a deep breath I move forward through the door letting it slam behind me. I can’t go back now. The door closed, I have to find the next one to go… somewhere. Will it take me home? Who knows. I just start to walk through a field of wild flowers out into a giant field between two huge Mountains. I see a stream running down one of the two mountains and watch as it feeds to a pond off in the distance. I wander towards the pond. It has to be a good start. Maybe I’ll just relax a bit, but I cannot fall asleep.

If I fall asleep I may never wake up.

I nodded off once, on another trip, but it took me a few days to get out of the dream to only realize I was still trapped in my mind. Everything was still a puzzle. It had grown worse over me then. I cannot allow that to happen again. I won’t even risk it.

What if I had never woken from the dream? What if the flowers that started to grow up around me started to grow over me and I woke tangled unable to move? To be trapped in a prison of my own creation would be surely maddening. I was lucky I woke when I did.

Not to mention the nightmares that came. From then I started to have nightmares that were awful for days… weeks… I was terrified to even come and return to the simple place that was my mind. I could barely move from them in the morning. How I didn’t have a heart attack I never knew. Maybe you can’t give yourself a heart attack while sleeping. One never knows.

I start to walk through the wild flowers towards the pond. The sky is clear except a few puffy clouds. It all seemed very peaceful. I’ve never been here before. Nothing is familiar, but water always seems like a good sign. I sit by the pond and look in the water. My reflection doesn’t look like me. Not the me I see in the mirrors. I always wonder why I never look like my outside me. My only thought is that I look like who I really am now, who I am on the inside and my other form is lost. Why else would I look like this?

My hand splashes into the water washing away the mirror image. I don’t want to think about serious things like that now. Not when I’m still trapped and I have no idea where the door is. I rise to my feet up once more noticing how even though I just splashed the water with my fingers they’re still dry. I wonder what would happen if I ran into the water. Would I come out all wet or would I still be dry? Part of me contemplates testing this theory the rest however cannot be bothered. I still do not see anything that looks like the door so in theory I’m still trapped. Maybe I’ll test this theory after I find out where the door is. Though I probably won’t.

I start to follow this stream up the mountain. The sky is still a beautiful blue with minimal clouds in it. I look up at the few puffy clouds and wonder if they realize how alone they are. Do clouds even feel alone? Lord knows I feel alone. That is part of the reason I come into my mind. I want to feel alone and just be where I am just me. No one telling me what to do or correcting me. Just able to be who I am, where I am for the time being. No one squawking at me over little insignificant details. It is a wonderful feeling sometimes, realizing how totally alone I am in my mind.

When I first started to come it wasn’t so empty. There were other thoughts all the time out loud. It took quite a few trips to get the other sounds and voices to stop. I never thought they would at first, but now. Silence. From the voices at least. My feet still crunch the grass as I walk. I still hear the other inhabitants of the area I am in. Creatures that my mind has added to make the scene feel more real. I’ve thus far avoided them, as I would real animals, just to make sure that I stay alright. I do not want to find out the hard way that I could be killed in my mind. That would just be awful. Living without living. Caught forever in a catatonic state my body more of a burden than it already was. What would my parents think?

If they see me now and think it’s another one of my spells. They try to wake me and it is to no avail. Now they just leave me until I wake up on my own, but if I were to never wake up? They almost had a fit when I was out for days. To be out forever would cause a disaster of immense proportions. Which parent would take me? Who would deal with me? They would surely have to put me away somewhere. My body would live out the remainder of it’s days lost in some institution. Would anyone visit? Would anyone care?

I continue my walk up the mountain along the stream. My eyes scan as I go, but the door is no where to be found. Maybe up a bit further. I hope that I didn’t choose the wrong path to follow. Maybe I should have trudged off away from the water. Maybe this time it wasn’t a good sign. No, I can’t think like that. I cannot give to the negativity and turn around now. Not until I’ve gone and checked as much as possible. My mind may grow tired, but my body will not fatigue. I push on, there is no other choice. I must go on further up the mountain. The stream is starting show it’s source. A waterfall from the mountain? Wait. What is behind the stream? There at the source I see it. The telltale sparkling glimmer of the door. It’s behind the waterfall!

My intuition was right, water was a good sign, at least this time. I smile at the door now feeling more secure in the world of my creation.

© eclecticmeow.wordpress.com 


Poetry & writing are one way to express yourself and help people through things, but they are not the only way.  Please realize that you are not alone.  If you are feeling depressed, or having thoughts of suicide please contact someone.  You can always call for help

US Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255

or if you aren’t comfortable with that you can go online and get help here.  You are not alone.  You are not the only one, you matter, you are not a bother, and you are worth it.  Make the call, click the link, reach out to someone don’t fight the battle alone, don’t give into the night.

Better days will come

There are days when the sun doesn’t seem to shine and nothing, but tears fill my eyes.  Those days are harder to deal with than others.  On those days it is important to not give up.  They shall pass.  (They have to).  Better days are out there.  You just have to try to believe even when you feel like you may fall to pieces.


Poetry & writing are one way to express yourself and help people through things, but they are not the only way.  Please realize that you are not alone.  If you are feeling depressed, or having thoughts of suicide please contact someone.  You can always call for help

US Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255

or if you aren’t comfortable with that you can go online and get help here.  You are not alone.  You are not the only one, you matter, you are not a bother, and you are worth it.  Make the call, click the link, reach out to someone don’t fight the battle alone, don’t give into the night.

Happiness = Fun

What is my belief of Happiness?

I believe that happiness is a state of being.  One that is sometimes harder for people to find.  To reach.  It is something that we should stretch to achieve even though it is not always easy and, truthfully, is quite illusive.  I have spent many years lost in the darkness.  Searching, looking for something.  The something, I feel, is happiness.

How do we reach it?  

Recently it has been brought to my attention that fun is the way to reach and achieve happiness, which makes sense to me.  Finding happiness by itself is too hard and sometimes can seem overwhelming.  Too great a task.

Find your happiness.  Find your joy.

Those are terrifying statements, especially when someone is depressed.  If it was just that easy.  They want to be happy, I want to be happy, but sometimes the chemicals are stopping it.  However, if we look at it another way, if we look at it as finding something fun it seems easier.  Fun doesn’t seem as scary.  Fun seems small and maybe achievable.  Find something, anything to hold onto and grasp.  Something that makes you feel warm and then look for the fun.  A game, a song, it could be as small or as easy as that.  Fun IS different for each of us.  Fun can be any distraction we have in life and it can be our saving grace.  Even if fun is watching TV shows we enjoy as we try to pull ourselves back to the world to do more it is a little fun in the darkness.

If you find a little bit of fun it can lead to happiness.  It may be small sparks of it in the darkness, but it is there to give us hope and hope is something that can never be taken for granted.  Fun is little sparks of happiness in an unassuming wrapper.

It’s how I’m surviving at least.  Finding some fun.


Poetry & writing is a way to express yourself and help people through things, but it is not the only way.  Please realize that you are not alone.  If you are feeling depressed, or having thoughts of suicide please contact someone.  You can always call for help

US Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255

or if you aren’t comfortable with that you can go online and get help here.  You are not alone.  You are not the only one, you matter, you are not a bother, and you are worth it.  Make the call, click the link, reach out to someone don’t fight the battle alone, don’t give into the night.

Not sure people realize

an extra hour sleep may be grand thing
but confuses the medication times
making the body upset


 

I didn’t know at first, but Ebates lets you get money back when you buy music/movies at iTunes.  That was awesome to find out.  I knew other shops and stuff, but the iTunes one was huge for me as it helps me relax when I hurt too much to do anything else.  It’s nice to have when you are shopping and trying to save money when dealing with medication prices.  It’s a good way to save money.

Ebates Coupons and Cash Back

 


Poetry is a way to express yourself and help people through things, but it is not the only way.  Please realize that you are not alone.  If you are feeling depressed, or having thoughts of suicide please contact someone.  You can always call for help

US Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255

or if you aren’t comfortable with that you can go online and get help here.  You are not alone.  You are not the only one, you matter, you are not a bother, and you are worth it.  Make the call, click the link, reach out to someone don’t fight the battle alone, don’t give into the night.

Mini Poem: Fears in a Crowd

walking outside they brushes into me
i wince trying not to yelp in pain
an accident that never mattered before
now is a painful experience


 

Poetry is a way to express yourself and help people through things, but it is not the only way.  Please realize that you are not alone.  If you are feeling depressed, or having thoughts of suicide please contact someone.  You can always call for help

US Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255

or if you aren’t comfortable with that you can go online and get help here.  You are not alone.  You are not the only one, you matter, you are not a bother, and you are worth it.  Make the call, click the link, reach out to someone don’t fight the battle alone, don’t give into the night.