Happiness = Fun

What is my belief of Happiness?

I believe that happiness is a state of being.  One that is sometimes harder for people to find.  To reach.  It is something that we should stretch to achieve even though it is not always easy and, truthfully, is quite illusive.  I have spent many years lost in the darkness.  Searching, looking for something.  The something, I feel, is happiness.

How do we reach it?  

Recently it has been brought to my attention that fun is the way to reach and achieve happiness, which makes sense to me.  Finding happiness by itself is too hard and sometimes can seem overwhelming.  Too great a task.

Find your happiness.  Find your joy.

Those are terrifying statements, especially when someone is depressed.  If it was just that easy.  They want to be happy, I want to be happy, but sometimes the chemicals are stopping it.  However, if we look at it another way, if we look at it as finding something fun it seems easier.  Fun doesn’t seem as scary.  Fun seems small and maybe achievable.  Find something, anything to hold onto and grasp.  Something that makes you feel warm and then look for the fun.  A game, a song, it could be as small or as easy as that.  Fun IS different for each of us.  Fun can be any distraction we have in life and it can be our saving grace.  Even if fun is watching TV shows we enjoy as we try to pull ourselves back to the world to do more it is a little fun in the darkness.

If you find a little bit of fun it can lead to happiness.  It may be small sparks of it in the darkness, but it is there to give us hope and hope is something that can never be taken for granted.  Fun is little sparks of happiness in an unassuming wrapper.

It’s how I’m surviving at least.  Finding some fun.

Poetry & writing is a way to express yourself and help people through things, but it is not the only way.  Please realize that you are not alone.  If you are feeling depressed, or having thoughts of suicide please contact someone.  You can always call for help

US Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255

or if you aren’t comfortable with that you can go online and get help here.  You are not alone.  You are not the only one, you matter, you are not a bother, and you are worth it.  Make the call, click the link, reach out to someone don’t fight the battle alone, don’t give into the night.


Oh Captain, My Captain, May You Find The Peace You Need

who do you turn to
when laughter dies

I wrote that tonight upon hearing of the untimely death of Robin Williams.  To say that his death rocked me to the very center of my being would be an understatement.

It shook me to my very core.

As a person who idolized the man as a comedian, as a humanitarian and as a decent human being who struggled with life and depression as well as his own demons and addictions this one hurt.  Robin Williams gave more than he ever knew to more people than he could ever meet in his lifetime.  He could never have lived long enough for his fans, let alone for his family, and he will be missed.

Careers were started because of him, money raised, happiness brought to troops.  Laughter and tears of joy were wept because of him and now we cry because we can only do so from what he left us, his movies, his cds and our memories.  Robin Williams brought people from the brink of despair even when he was there himself and even though he held the entire world in his hands and the world loved him for it, it wasn’t enough.  That’s what depression is.  That’s what depression does.

You don’t see any of that and if you do it doesn’t matter.

None of that matters.  It’s not real.  When you are depressed, the only thing that matters is what you are going through.  The emotions you are experiencing.  You believe you are no good, you are no help to those you care about, the focus is pain you are in or the pain you believe you are causing and you want to find a way to make the pain stop.  How you can unburden yourself, your family and loved ones.  How you can get out of the place you are in right now.  How you can make the pain you are in stop.  How the pain you are in will never go away.  How the darkness will never go away and if it can’t end any other way… well you think there might be one way you can make it end.

It varies for each person.  No ones depression is the same and it isn’t easy for friends and loved ones when someone they care for is depressed.  I see the looks in the eyes of those I love when I get very depressed and it just adds to mine.  I tend to cut myself off more from the outside world then.  You don’t see the other’s eyes and you don’t see yourself adding to their pain.

Though, as someone who fiercely battles depression and a fan who looked up to him his death was heart wrenching.  If he can’t do it… how can I?

US Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255